


Pulling Through the Dark

by SkiaWolf



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Encouragement, Fear, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 16:30:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9911324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkiaWolf/pseuds/SkiaWolf
Summary: Everything seemed to be perfect for Yuri Plisetsky; his career was successful, he was married to the man of his dreams and he was, quite simply, happy. But then everything fell apart in an instant when he lost the person who had been there for him all of his life.Now fearful of the future and unsure of how to carry on, it takes the gentle encouragement of his husband to try to get back on his feet again.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is for day 5 of OtaYuri week, from the prompt 'Fears/Encouragement'. I hope that it's clear of how I included these themes!
> 
> It was a pretty hard-hitting oneshot for me to write, but I enjoyed doing so. I hope it turned out well!

It is extraordinary how everything can seem to be going perfectly, only for that joy to be snatched out of your hands, completely shattered by the cruelty which is life.

Using the word 'perfect' wasn't even an exaggeration. It _had_ been perfect for Yuri. All of his fears were only temporary, soon to be eased by the husband he loved more than the world itself. They were mostly just impermanent insecurities. Now, such insecurities seemed so incredibly minor.

“Do you want to go grab something to eat?” Otabek asked as they left the rink in which they had been practising together, stretching out his arms. “My treat, of course."

“When do I say no?”

“Usual place?”

“Of course.”

Otabek smiled, placing an arm around Yuri's slender shoulders as the two walked down the street. Everything was peaceful, as though there was nothing dreadful in the world happening. It was hard to imagine that not everyone was currently feeling their happiness from simply being with one another; after all, when you're basking in positivity this high, it's harder to see negativity.

“The sunset's pretty,” Yuri said, gesturing to the sky, stretched out across the horizon. Against the sea's edge, it was truly beautiful. “Let's stay here for a minute.”

“I love how much of a romantic you are for sunsets,” Otabek said, removing his arm so they could both lean on the railing.

“I'm not. They're just nice, okay?”

A smirk tugged on Otabek's lips. “Okay.”

“They make for good pictures, too. Come here.” Yuri pulled out his phone, holding it above them as he took a picture. He brought it back down, smiling. “Okay, maybe I _am_ a romantic for sunsets. But just a little.”

“I know. I love it. Do you want to get going now, then? I'm getting pretty hungry.”

“Just a second,” Yuri said, grinning as he grabbed onto the collar of Otabek's jacket to pull him down into a kiss. Otabek was quick to respond, putting his hands on Yuri's waist to bring him closer, but he pulled his head back when Yuri's phone began to ring. “Yuri, your phone.”

“It's probably just Victor with one of his reasons Yuuri is cute today. Don't mind it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Beka...”

“Don't whine, I'm just making sure,” Otabek laughed, leaning back down to continue their kiss. The ringing had stopped by now. Forgetting about it, Otabek slipped his tongue into Yuri's mouth, one hand reaching into the back pocket of his jeans. But that was the moment Yuri's phone began to ring once again. Yuri broke away, frowning.

“He usually doesn't call _twice_ about Katsudon. Must be feeling pretty...” His words trailed off as he looked at his phone screen, his eyes widening.

“Yura? What's wrong?”

Yuri took the call without answering Otabek. “Hello?”

“Is this Yuri Plisetsky?” asked a woman's voice, a warming, gentle voice, but it couldn't bring him any amount of calmness.

“Yes.”

“This is about your grandfather, Yuri.”

Of course it was. Why else would the hospital be ringing him? “Has something happened?”

“He has had a tremendous relapse. I'm afraid that he is in critical condition. My sincerest apologies for saying this, but we are worried that he will not survive this. It may be best for you to visit. Yuri? Yuri, are you still there?”

He was, but his mouth was open, unable to say any words as they lodged inside his throat. Even if he _had_ been able to, he knew his voice would have been to hoarse to be understood. His body suddenly seemed weak, unable to function. The phone in his hand would have slipped out if Otabek hadn't caught it for him.

“I'm sorry, this is his partner. He's a little in shock,” Otabek said, his spare hand on Yuri's shoulder in an attempt to steady him. “We'll be there as soon as possible. Thank you for calling.”

He ended the call, putting his focus on Yuri. He seemed like he was going to pass out any second.

“Yuri, I'll call a taxi,” Otabek said, trying to keep his voice calm to comfort his husband despite the fact that his heart was was hammering uncontrollably in his chest. He moved the hand from Yuri's shoulder to his face, the cold ring on his finger a contrast to Yuri's face. It was burning up. “Come on, sit down.”

Without a word, Yuri nodded. He would have usually complained about sitting on the floor, but he immediately slipped down onto the concrete by the railing. He leant forward and, unsure of what to do with them, buried his hands into his hair as he lowered his head, loose, long hair falling over his face.

Otabek sat down next to him, putting an arm around his shoulders as he dialled the taxi service's number.

“Yes, hello? I need a taxi to Alliance Medicale...”

The words which Otabek were speaking seemed to become lost in their transmission to Yuri's ears. It was distant, a hundred miles away; all Yuri could sense right now was his emotions, the worst fear he'd ever had weighing on his chest. It was dizzy, blinding, overwhelming… It was only when he was brought closer to Otabek that he became a little more grounded.

“They'll be here in five minutes at the most.”

Yuri nodded, still silent, and also still free of tears. Otabek guessed it was likely because Yuri remained in shock. He was shocked himself, but obviously not at the same level as Yuri. He had no choice but to remain calm himself; he had to be an anchor for Yuri's emotions. Seeing him in this state was worrying, to say the least.

He also didn't murmur words like 'it'll be all right'. He knew it was pointless, because both would know that it was a lie. Nikolai had been in a dangerous situation in his health for a while. This day was inevitable; it just so happened that it came by sooner rather than later.

“I'm right here, Yura,” he instead said quietly, planting a kiss on top of Yuri's head as he brought him closer. “I'm right here.”

Yuri's body still remained limp, but Otabek thought – or at least, he hoped – that he had heard Yuri's heavy breathing calm down slightly.

Soon enough, they were inside the taxi on the way to the hospital. Every minute, every _second_ felt as though they were wasting time, time which he could have been spending by appreciating the last, precious moments with the man who had been there all of his life.

“We're almost there,” the driver said, breaking the tense silence. They were, too; a minute later, the driver parked outside of the hospital. Otabek handed the driver notes, telling her to keep the change, and they both left the car. Otabek didn't try to hold onto Yuri's hand; he was already jogging up to the hospital now. He'd likely be running if his body was less shaken.

“Yuri-” the receptionist started, recognising the man who had visited here so frequently. She was ignored by Yuri, acknowledged by an apologetic nod by Otabek as he hurried past.

“Slow down, sirs, you can't-”

The nurse was ignored. The two men were hurrying so fast that they also couldn't say anything a second time; they raced up the stairs, to the room which they had visited together more times than they could count.

“Grandpa-” Yuri gasped out at the doorway, the first word he had spoken since the phone call. But his heart skipped a beat when his eyes took in the medical staff surrounding his grandfather's bed. They looked up at the sound of Yuri in the doorway. Their expressions alone told him everything.

“We're sorry,” the doctor said gently. “There was nothing we can do.”

“No,” Yuri whispered, his trembling body moving into the room. “No, that can't be...”

“Yuri,” Otabek said softly, but his voice didn't break through.

“ _GRANDPA!”_ Yuri then screamed, a blood-curdling scream which broke the hearts of those around him. “No, don't you dare leave me!”

His legs gave away when he was by the bed, but he didn't notice the pain which shot through his knees as he landed painfully; he grabbed onto one of Nikolai's cold, lifeless hands with both of his own. Tears beginning to fall, he brought it to his face, eyes squeezed shut and his eyebrows furrowed tightly.

“Please… Please...”

“We'll be back shortly,” the doctor murmured to Otabek. “I think being in a room filled with people will make this more overwhelming for him.”

Otabek nodded in both understanding and agreement. Yuri didn't look up when the medical staff walked out of the room; he didn't even seem to realise that they did so at all whilst he sobbed. Otabek crouched down next to him.

“Yura,” he whispered, too scared to touch him in fear that he might break. Otabek had never seen this solider, _his_ soldier, be so fragile.

“Why, Beka?” Yuri choked out, still not raising his head from his grandfather's hand. “He was meant to last for a few more years. At our wedding, he seemed so healthy. But now...”

Otabek didn't know what to say. He had never had any issues comforting Yuri over the course of Nikolai's illness, but now… He had never seen Yuri so hysterical.

“You'll be okay, Yuri,” Otabek said, hesitating before risking a hand on Yuri's shoulder. “I'm-”

“No I won't,” Yuri said lowly, his body stiffening. “I can't be after this. I...”

Nikolai's hand was released as Yuri's hands were brought to his face, his pitiful sobs louder. His body leaned forward, his figure a perfect replica of how he had cried after his first win of the Grand Prix Final all those years ago. Only this time, the cries were harder, his heart shattered.

All Otabek could do in this moment was hold Yuri close, allowing his own tears to fall now that his face couldn't be seen.

 

* * *

 

 

Yuri had shut himself away in their bedroom for days on end. He only left to visit the bathroom, where he likely wasn't bothering to shower or wash his hair. It had began to matt together by now, but despite how it had been his most prideful aspect of his appearance once before, Yuri no longer cared.

He barely cared about anything now. He hadn't mentioning going to the rink to practise, he barely ate the food which was brought to him even if it was his favourite. His weight had already been low; it was frightening that it was dropping even more.

“Yura,” Otabek whispered, lying on one side as he brushed a few strands of Yuri's hair away from his face. The man was lying on his side too, only he was facing the wall. A tissue was crumpled in his hand, but he hadn't cried for a while now. The puffy and red eyes showed how he had likely ran out of tears to shed. “Do you want me to open the curtains?”

Yuri shook his head.

“Have you had anything to drink?”

Another shake of his head.

“I'll make some tea. Will you have some? Please, Yuri.”

Yuri didn't respond for a few moments, though much to Otabek's relief, he soon nodded. “Okay.”

“I'll be right back.”

He kissed Yuri's head, quietly leaving the room before breaking out in a jog to the kitchen. He hated leaving Yuri alone for even the shortest of times whilst he was like this. He laid out a tray and two teacups whilst the water boiled, then hurrying to prepare their drinks as fast as possible. He almost spilled it going up the stairs, but breathed out and let himself walk slower. Putting himself in a panic just from leaving Yuri on his own for a few minutes wouldn't help him to get stronger.

“I'm back,” he called softly, pushing the door open with his shoulder. Yuri hadn't moved. Otabek walked over and placed the tray down on one of their bedside tables. “Can you sit up?”

Yuri did so, wincing as he shuffled himself upwards. He rubbed his neck. “I'm getting stiff. Guess I've shut myself away for a while.”

“It's perfectly understandable, Yuri,” Otabek said quietly, trying to be reassuring. “You're not the only person who would react like this.”

“God knows how I'm going to deal with the funeral. I don't even know if I'll have the strength to go.”

“You will. I know how much you're struggling right now, so please don't think that I'm trying to make out your pain to be smaller than it is. But you're strong, Yuri.”

“I don't feel it right now.” He picked up his teacup, taking a sip. This suddenly made him realise his strong need for liquids, and he ended up gulping down the rest quickly. Choosing to simply listen, Otabek took the cup from Yuri, pouring more tea into it as Yuri continued to speak. “I've never been like this. I've had times where I've been scared, where I've felt insecure, but… Now I just feel like there's no hope left. I'm scared that I'll never get over this. So I don't know how you can call me strong.”

Otabek contemplated his husband's words for a moment, before he gave him a small smile. “Do you remember what I told you that evening in Barcelona?”

“You said that I have the eyes of a solider,” Yuri responded immediately.

“Exactly. And you still do, Yuri, even now.” Otabek cupped Yuri's cheeks with his hands, something which he had been aching to do for days. “Even if they're in pain, even if they've been crying, your eyes still show your strength. I didn't say those words for nothing. You're a soldier, one which has fought through many hardships and will do the same again now. I have every bit of faith in you.”

“I stink from not showering in days and I've used up a forest's worth of tissues,” Yuri said, mocking himself. “And you still think that I'm strong?”

“Absolutely.”

Yuri pondered this. And then, for the first time since that day, a small smile was on his face. “I think I needed to hear that.”

“I'm always here to remind you,” Otabek said, holding onto Yuri's hand gently to place a kiss on it. “Will you come downstairs, now?”

Yuri hesitated. “I… Well, I guess I have to start being human again sometime.”

“And can I make you some food?”

“I'll only become skin and bones if you don't, I suppose.”

Otabek smiled with utter relief, bringing Yuri into a hug. “Thank you.”

“'Thank you?' For making you cook for me?”

“Thank you for pulling through enough to eat.”

“You're thanking me for that? I've really become pathetic.”

Otabek shook his head. “Don't say that.”

“Maybe I should also shower,” Yuri said. “I'm starting to feel pretty disgusting.”

“You don't have to overwhelm yourse-”

“It's fine, Beka. I'm not okay; I mean, I'm still clearly depressed. But I can't keep lying around in here, making you worry about me.”

They finally broke apart from their hug. Yuri grabbed some fresh clothes out of the drawer, following Otabek, who was carrying the tray, out of the room. “I'll see you down there.”

“You sure you're okay with this?”

“I have to be sometime.”

Parting with a painful smile, Yuri entered the bathroom. When seeing his reflection in the mirror, he thought he might have thrown up with disgust at himself. His hair was an absolute mess, greasy and tangled from how much he had been grasping at it whilst he cried. His face was blotchy from said crying, his eyes red and underlined with dark circles from the scarce amount of sleep he had been getting. He had barely noticed any of this when he had visited it for the toilet. It was like seeing someone completely different in the mirror.

The beautiful names he had been given for his career on the ice suddenly seemed laughable.

At the very least, the shower was a better idea than he had imagined. A sigh of bliss escaped his lips the moment the hot water touched his skin. Though his depression was naturally still there, the water at least seemed to wash away the disgust he had felt when he saw himself in the mirror. Long, painful days of mourning seemed to be put in the past by this everyday task.

It was true that caring for one's self through hard times wasn't as romantic and sweet as people made out. Sometimes, something as simple as this was the best thing.

He towelled himself dry after exiting the shower, using a hair dryer to finish the job on his hair. Its beautiful blond strands fell back into place flawlessly. He was looking more like himself again.

Now dressed, Yuri exited the bathroom, the scent of food drifting into the hallway. His stomach rumbled. It was hard to believe that he finally had an appetite.

“Yura,” Otabek smiled when he saw Yuri enter the kitchen out of the corner of his eye.

“What are you making?” Yuri asked, sitting on one of the stools against the island in the centre of the kitchen.

“Do you need to ask?”

“Piroshki.”

“That's right.”

“I didn't think I'd be looking forward to my favourite food just yet, but I'm not complaining about that.”

“I'm proud of you. I've been terrified for you over these last few days. To see you up and about like this so suddenly...” Otabek paused the process of serving the food to turn and smile. “It's honestly incredible.”

“You're making it sound like I've won five gold medals.”

“It's something to be just as proud of.” Otabek then walked over with two plates.

“Maybe you're right.” Yuri took a bite of the food somewhat warily, knowing how his stomach hadn't exactly been handling food well as of late. But he was delighted to find himself enjoying the taste, his body handling it well. “It's delicious.”

“I'm glad that you like it.”

They ate in silence for a couple of minutes, Yuri attempting to do so slowly but struggling due to his hunger. Once he was halfway done, he spoke again, his voice a little quieter.

“Me mentioning gold medals reminded me,” Yuri said quietly. “I'm not too sure what to do about skating.”

“About whether to continue or not?”

Yuri nodded. “I honestly don't know if I have that motivation. But at the same time, grandpa would want me to carry on. He always loved watching me grow, seeing my performances… I'm just scared of going back. I don't know if I can overcome the fear of skating like I'm alone, without him watching me. So I don't know what to do.”

Otabek thought over Yuri's words for a moment before speaking slowly. “Skating… Like you're alone?”

“Yeah. Because he wouldn't be there to cheer me on any more.”

Yuri swallowed, worried that he might start crying again. However, Otabek spoke again, preventing Yuri from doing so.

“We could always pair skate.”

“This isn't the time for jokes, Beka,” Yuri sighed, playing with the food on his plate.

“I'm not joking, Yuri. You know I wouldn't joke at a time like this.” He placed a hand on Yuri's shoulder, causing their eyes to meet. “You want to continue skating, but you're scared to do so. But I think that if you're with me, constantly there to support you, you would continue to enjoy it _without_ any fear. I think it's the best thing for you if you want to continue skating without the fears that you have.”

“I _have_ enjoyed the times we've pair skated for fun...” Yuri said slowly, considering Otabek's words thoughtfully. “Do you mean it for real? In competitions and such?”

“Absolutely.”

“I don't know. I don't want you to ruin your chances to win more as a solo skater.”

“Yuri, you're my husband. Nothing would make me happier than continuing my career with _you_. I've actually wanted to ask about this for a while, but now seems like a better time than ever.”

Yuri looked down, running over the possibility in his head. He couldn't find as many flaws in this as him continuing solo. Perhaps Otabek was right; maybe he could continue doing what he loved without fear if it was with him. Otabek had always been incredibly supportive, constantly there to keep him living another day; to have that on the ice as well just seemed to be the best answer.

And so, Yuri nodded. “Okay. I'll do it.”

“Really? You want to do it?”

“I think it's a good idea that we'd both enjoy,” Yuri said. Then a small smirk grew on his face. “Plus, as much as I love beating you in competitions, I like the thought of us kicking ass together.”

Otabek laughed, leaning over to kiss Yuri's lips. He had missed that touch more than he could have ever imagined. Though he didn't really do so anyway, he knew he could never take kissing Yuri for granted again after this. “That makes me happy, thank you.”

“I should be the one thanking _you,”_ Yuri responded. “Really, Beka. Thank you. I think I might just be able to pull through with you here with me.”

When Yuri was pulled into a hug, he knew he wasn't just saying those words for the sake of it.

It might have been going through the toughest moment of his life. His grandfather was never returning; he would never feel those arms pulling him into a hug again, taste his cooking, hear his voice… But he still had others in his life that he loved.

One step at a time, he was going to get through this. Nothing was going to stop him.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if the medical centre I used was inaccurate at all; there are several medical centres in Moscow so I didn't want to just say 'Moscow Hospital'. I stress over small details, haha!
> 
> But I hope you enjoyed it! Also, me mentioning pair skating towards the end links in to my art piece being dedicated to the 'Pair Skate' prompt for day six. I won't be writing for it, but you can find it on my Tumblr (skia-visuals), Instagram (skia_visuals) and DA (Skia-Visuals). Thank you for reading!


End file.
